All these words started to fill my head, were on my heart, and so I just started praying, talking really, to Him. I had been feeling less than, less than everything that He created me to be, and I just started talking. I can honestly say it had been far to long since the last time I really talked to God, really opened up my mind and my heart and just let Him in and those moments drinking my morning coffee, God was prodding in my heart, I am sure he had been for some time trying to get my attention, again, because how quickly I just seem to "fall away" when life gets busy and I forget to take it to him. I have been keeping it all inside, and not letting go, and it was eating away at me.
With tears streaming down my face I started talking.
I started talking about my marriage, I prayed for Jake and his schooling, for Jake to be able to continue to do what he's doing and to be able to accomplish everything that needs to be done, with a clear mind and understanding of everything that is placed in front of him.
I prayed for God to continue to walk with us through our marriage, in this season, because it wasn't going to be easy, but to just be the God who I know he is and has been in both our lives and in our marriage.
I prayed for patience for me, in waiting for things that I want so badly now but know that it is all in His time, in His plan. He already knows.
I prayed for family and friends hurting, and how much I so want to be able to do more and help more but how much I know that He is there too, going before them and already doing so much in and through their lives.
I prayed for our little church, searching for a pastor, waiting on a pastor whom we have called, and for peace and understanding in whatever decision is made. For us as a body to know that God is there in all the details and He has already prepared someone for our little church to come and lead us. He has gone before us and knows who that person is, and that I just trust him to bring the right person to us, in His time.
I prayed for strength, for peace in my unsettled heart, in those anxiety ridden places, I prayed for peace. I asked God to continue to work in my heart and my life and use me, for His purpose in the place he has called me to be, right now.
I thanked God for all he has done in and through my life, taking me out of the darkness and into the light, and how he has saved me over and over again, day in and day out and continues to do so. I thanked him for all the blessings, for all the ways Jake and I have been blessed, and that we are so amazed and ever grateful for all the blessings He sends our way, even though we know we do not deserve any of them.
I prayed to get through this day, To accomplish what I needed to get done, and that He would continue to guide me, to guide us, through every step along the way. Amen.
Amen indeed. It was amazing to have that talk with God. I need to do it more and more, and make it a part of my day, everyday; and know that I can take anything to him. The good, the bad, whatever. He loves me anyway.
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