Darkness is as light

Psalm 139 (Today's New International Version)

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.

5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, [a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

I was inspired by another blogger today to read this passage from the Psalms. It really hit my heart in a big way. My life the way it is, and the struggles I have everyday along with all the worries I have about those struggles. Sometimes I forget that God is always there, even in my comings and goings he is there, watching over me, guiding me, loving me.

Psalm 139 11-12:

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

These verses especially fill my thoughts today. All of the darkness of depression, and anxiety, and bi-polar disease that have been pushing down on me; all those times when I felt so alone so lost in my own darkness I forgot that God, my God who can do anything; more than I even imagine was there with me in my darkness lighting the way for me, holding me, comforting me, taking me in his arms and calling me his child.

And he continues to call me his child, to provide and take my life well beyond places I never thought or imagined I could even go. The darkness was hiding me, covering me, entangling me, but he in all his grace and mercy continued to light my pathway, and I am coming out of the darkness into the light.

I am happy to say that things are on the upswing, and I am feeling positive about this. My meds are working the way they are supposed to be, and I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time.

For right now I would say that I am very hopeful. Taking things day by day, sometimes still moment to moment, but knowing that God is here walking alongside me; and if I ever get back to that place in my life where the pit of darkness was so deep, I know he will still be there walking before me, lighting the way as he has been and will continue to do through this life until that day when I am able to look upon his face in Heaven into the brightest light I will ever know.

I am looking forward to that day. How beautiful that will be.