Goings' on

It's been way too long, but I have so many things to share!
There have been many more ups and downs in the life of Nikki and Jake, Jake and Nikki since I wrote last.

Jake and I started going back to church in April, a move I believe that was in the making for some time, but me, being well, me, I was being selfish during all of the depression and the bi-polar and anxiety issues and sickness that I was dealing with. I thought if God couldn't help me through that and protect me from that then I didn't need Him anyway, and so I just stopped going to church, stopped being involved in that community and, just stopped. Everything just stopped, time stood still, even as it was passing me right by. I think of all the things I missed because of my foolish heart, of all the things that God was trying to tell me and fill me in on, all the great songs I never got to sing and people I never got to meet. I mourn that loss now.
Since going back I have joined the praise team and get to use my gifts through music every week and I love it! We've even joined a great community group filled with amazing, God-loving, sharing, caring people. It's been an awesome healing in my life and in my heart. God has even blessed me with a great friend that I can tell anything to, and I know that God brought her into my life for a reason, and I knew it the first time I met her. Honestly. I am in awe of how and why God put her in my life, she's an awesome person, and lives God out in her life, and is never afraid to share something with me from experiences in her life if she thinks it will help in my life. I praise God for the blessing she is in and to my life!

I have been jobless for over 9 months. Well in June I was offered a part time job at a retail/decorating store about 20 minutes away. I jumped at the chance, and even though it is only part time I love being able to get out and do more with my days. It helps to fulfill my longing for interaction and helping out in a way. I love my job, the people are great and right now I think this is a great fit for me! At first I was sad that it was only part time, but I think getting back into working, that maybe it's a good thing so that I can adjust to more "normal" way of life again!

After some encouragement from others I have finally decided to take on Photography more, and took a big step! O have begun posting my pictures on Darkness is as Light Photography and have even been approached to sell some of my images which I am really excited about! I have even looked into schooling options for photography and have found a great one through the Art Institute of America that I can take online, which would be awesome! Still looking at that though, cause the time and money involved would be great. Right now I am happy to be taking pictures for family and friends and just being able to show other people what I love so much about nature and the outdoors through my eyes, and through the lens of my camera.

I look back to last September when I lost my job, and think of how different things were then. How hopeless, how alone and lost I felt in my life and how no amount of anything, even God was going to make me feel normal. Make me feel more like a human again. Make me feel more of anything. I can see my journey out of the darkness and into the light. I heard a song on the radio today, and here's just some of the lyrics:

♬ ♪ ♪ Would you dare would you dare to believe ♫ ♬ ♪ That you still have a reason to sing ♫ ♩ ♪ Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling ♫ ♪ ♩ It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming ♫ ♬ ♪

And that is so true! All that pain that I had been feeling that was weighing me down could never compare to what God has in store for me, what his plans are for my life now and the future and for eternity! I still have a reason to sing, and I praise God for giving me that reason in Him.