Silence.
It can be so quiet and yet so loud all at the same time.
There has been a lot of silence, here on this page, in this blog, and also in my life.
I have not felt the need or the desire to post here because honestly, I had nothing to write. The words wouldn't come no matter how much I tried.
I have been in listening mode. Waiting for answers. Listening. Being still. Praying. Thinking. Hoping. Dreaming. Listening some more.
I have felt the silence so loudly that it hurts. Deep into my innermost being, it is truly painful at times and overwhelming to the point where I don't want the silence, I long for noise and loud and things that fill my head and my days so that I don't have to be in the silence, in the still place anymore.
It is too quiet and I have felt so alone, on my face and crying out for the silence to end, for doors to open, for where He is leading me.
But still I am waiting. Listening for that still small voice.
For answers to "what's next" and for when, and why and how?
I know He hears me when I call to him. He has been keeping track of all my tears. He longs to fulfill the desires of my heart.
I know all of these things, so I pray and talk to Him and tell him everything that is going on my life, just like best friends do. Still, there are no answers. I do not hear Him.
That loud silence creeps in.
I am waiting. I am longing. I am hopeful.
Even in the silence I know He is there. I know He does not leave or forsake me. I know how much He loves me.
So I sit in the stillness, in the silent place. Listening. Waiting for Him to speak into my heart, into my life. Longing for Him, for His voice.
I know He is trying to teach me something, even through the silence, and I want to learn and to know what that is so desperately.
So I will wait. I will listen. I will pray. I will sing. I will rejoice, even in the silence.
Because I know He is working something in my life that I cannot even begin to imagine or fathom.
