This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s´gonna be alright
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Even in the Dark
This song and words touched my heart today in a way I really needed it. Just wanted to share with you:
This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s´gonna be alright
This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s´gonna be alright
Monday, July 19, 2010
Goings' on
It's been way too long, but I have so many things to share!
There have been many more ups and downs in the life of Nikki and Jake, Jake and Nikki since I wrote last.
Jake and I started going back to church in April, a move I believe that was in the making for some time, but me, being well, me, I was being selfish during all of the depression and the bi-polar and anxiety issues and sickness that I was dealing with. I thought if God couldn't help me through that and protect me from that then I didn't need Him anyway, and so I just stopped going to church, stopped being involved in that community and, just stopped. Everything just stopped, time stood still, even as it was passing me right by. I think of all the things I missed because of my foolish heart, of all the things that God was trying to tell me and fill me in on, all the great songs I never got to sing and people I never got to meet. I mourn that loss now.
Since going back I have joined the praise team and get to use my gifts through music every week and I love it! We've even joined a great community group filled with amazing, God-loving, sharing, caring people. It's been an awesome healing in my life and in my heart. God has even blessed me with a great friend that I can tell anything to, and I know that God brought her into my life for a reason, and I knew it the first time I met her. Honestly. I am in awe of how and why God put her in my life, she's an awesome person, and lives God out in her life, and is never afraid to share something with me from experiences in her life if she thinks it will help in my life. I praise God for the blessing she is in and to my life!
I have been jobless for over 9 months. Well in June I was offered a part time job at a retail/decorating store about 20 minutes away. I jumped at the chance, and even though it is only part time I love being able to get out and do more with my days. It helps to fulfill my longing for interaction and helping out in a way. I love my job, the people are great and right now I think this is a great fit for me! At first I was sad that it was only part time, but I think getting back into working, that maybe it's a good thing so that I can adjust to more "normal" way of life again!
After some encouragement from others I have finally decided to take on Photography more, and took a big step! O have begun posting my pictures on Darkness is as Light Photography and have even been approached to sell some of my images which I am really excited about! I have even looked into schooling options for photography and have found a great one through the Art Institute of America that I can take online, which would be awesome! Still looking at that though, cause the time and money involved would be great. Right now I am happy to be taking pictures for family and friends and just being able to show other people what I love so much about nature and the outdoors through my eyes, and through the lens of my camera.
I look back to last September when I lost my job, and think of how different things were then. How hopeless, how alone and lost I felt in my life and how no amount of anything, even God was going to make me feel normal. Make me feel more like a human again. Make me feel more of anything. I can see my journey out of the darkness and into the light. I heard a song on the radio today, and here's just some of the lyrics:
♬ ♪ ♪ Would you dare would you dare to believe ♫ ♬ ♪ That you still have a reason to sing ♫ ♩ ♪ Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling ♫ ♪ ♩ It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming ♫ ♬ ♪
And that is so true! All that pain that I had been feeling that was weighing me down could never compare to what God has in store for me, what his plans are for my life now and the future and for eternity! I still have a reason to sing, and I praise God for giving me that reason in Him.
There have been many more ups and downs in the life of Nikki and Jake, Jake and Nikki since I wrote last.
Jake and I started going back to church in April, a move I believe that was in the making for some time, but me, being well, me, I was being selfish during all of the depression and the bi-polar and anxiety issues and sickness that I was dealing with. I thought if God couldn't help me through that and protect me from that then I didn't need Him anyway, and so I just stopped going to church, stopped being involved in that community and, just stopped. Everything just stopped, time stood still, even as it was passing me right by. I think of all the things I missed because of my foolish heart, of all the things that God was trying to tell me and fill me in on, all the great songs I never got to sing and people I never got to meet. I mourn that loss now.
Since going back I have joined the praise team and get to use my gifts through music every week and I love it! We've even joined a great community group filled with amazing, God-loving, sharing, caring people. It's been an awesome healing in my life and in my heart. God has even blessed me with a great friend that I can tell anything to, and I know that God brought her into my life for a reason, and I knew it the first time I met her. Honestly. I am in awe of how and why God put her in my life, she's an awesome person, and lives God out in her life, and is never afraid to share something with me from experiences in her life if she thinks it will help in my life. I praise God for the blessing she is in and to my life!
I have been jobless for over 9 months. Well in June I was offered a part time job at a retail/decorating store about 20 minutes away. I jumped at the chance, and even though it is only part time I love being able to get out and do more with my days. It helps to fulfill my longing for interaction and helping out in a way. I love my job, the people are great and right now I think this is a great fit for me! At first I was sad that it was only part time, but I think getting back into working, that maybe it's a good thing so that I can adjust to more "normal" way of life again!
After some encouragement from others I have finally decided to take on Photography more, and took a big step! O have begun posting my pictures on Darkness is as Light Photography and have even been approached to sell some of my images which I am really excited about! I have even looked into schooling options for photography and have found a great one through the Art Institute of America that I can take online, which would be awesome! Still looking at that though, cause the time and money involved would be great. Right now I am happy to be taking pictures for family and friends and just being able to show other people what I love so much about nature and the outdoors through my eyes, and through the lens of my camera.
I look back to last September when I lost my job, and think of how different things were then. How hopeless, how alone and lost I felt in my life and how no amount of anything, even God was going to make me feel normal. Make me feel more like a human again. Make me feel more of anything. I can see my journey out of the darkness and into the light. I heard a song on the radio today, and here's just some of the lyrics:
♬ ♪ ♪ Would you dare would you dare to believe ♫ ♬ ♪ That you still have a reason to sing ♫ ♩ ♪ Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling ♫ ♪ ♩ It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming ♫ ♬ ♪
And that is so true! All that pain that I had been feeling that was weighing me down could never compare to what God has in store for me, what his plans are for my life now and the future and for eternity! I still have a reason to sing, and I praise God for giving me that reason in Him.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Darkness is as light
Psalm 139 (Today's New International Version)
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, [a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I was inspired by another blogger today to read this passage from the Psalms. It really hit my heart in a big way. My life the way it is, and the struggles I have everyday along with all the worries I have about those struggles. Sometimes I forget that God is always there, even in my comings and goings he is there, watching over me, guiding me, loving me.
Psalm 139 11-12:
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
These verses especially fill my thoughts today. All of the darkness of depression, and anxiety, and bi-polar disease that have been pushing down on me; all those times when I felt so alone so lost in my own darkness I forgot that God, my God who can do anything; more than I even imagine was there with me in my darkness lighting the way for me, holding me, comforting me, taking me in his arms and calling me his child.
And he continues to call me his child, to provide and take my life well beyond places I never thought or imagined I could even go. The darkness was hiding me, covering me, entangling me, but he in all his grace and mercy continued to light my pathway, and I am coming out of the darkness into the light.
I am happy to say that things are on the upswing, and I am feeling positive about this. My meds are working the way they are supposed to be, and I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time.
For right now I would say that I am very hopeful. Taking things day by day, sometimes still moment to moment, but knowing that God is here walking alongside me; and if I ever get back to that place in my life where the pit of darkness was so deep, I know he will still be there walking before me, lighting the way as he has been and will continue to do through this life until that day when I am able to look upon his face in Heaven into the brightest light I will ever know.
I am looking forward to that day. How beautiful that will be.
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, [a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I was inspired by another blogger today to read this passage from the Psalms. It really hit my heart in a big way. My life the way it is, and the struggles I have everyday along with all the worries I have about those struggles. Sometimes I forget that God is always there, even in my comings and goings he is there, watching over me, guiding me, loving me.
Psalm 139 11-12:
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
These verses especially fill my thoughts today. All of the darkness of depression, and anxiety, and bi-polar disease that have been pushing down on me; all those times when I felt so alone so lost in my own darkness I forgot that God, my God who can do anything; more than I even imagine was there with me in my darkness lighting the way for me, holding me, comforting me, taking me in his arms and calling me his child.
And he continues to call me his child, to provide and take my life well beyond places I never thought or imagined I could even go. The darkness was hiding me, covering me, entangling me, but he in all his grace and mercy continued to light my pathway, and I am coming out of the darkness into the light.
I am happy to say that things are on the upswing, and I am feeling positive about this. My meds are working the way they are supposed to be, and I am feeling more alive than I have in a long time.
For right now I would say that I am very hopeful. Taking things day by day, sometimes still moment to moment, but knowing that God is here walking alongside me; and if I ever get back to that place in my life where the pit of darkness was so deep, I know he will still be there walking before me, lighting the way as he has been and will continue to do through this life until that day when I am able to look upon his face in Heaven into the brightest light I will ever know.
I am looking forward to that day. How beautiful that will be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
