Need Your Prayers, Covet them

I have started to go "downhill" again. The depression is getting worse, and I feel the enemy is conspiring against me to bring me down and keep me there.
I know that something needs to change, to happen, but I am not sure what, I am kind of at a standstill. I have noticed it a while ago, but put it in the back of my mind, or out of my mind, hoping it would just go away! I mean I was feeling great, happy, full of life, why now, at one of the highest points in my life would this be happening, again.

I don't know what to do. On the one hand as much as I want things to be normal again for me, I know they never really will be. Normal for me is what I make it on a day to day basis, there are a lot of times that I must choose to be happy for that day, for that moment, because otherwise I fear it would never happen! My meds seem to be working okay, but then I think maybe I need a higher dosage, which I really don't want because then it's like I am getting worse, and I am really longing to be better, to be a more normal wife, daughter, sister, and friend to everyone around me. This is NOT fair for them, they deserve to have a happy, normal, easygoing me instead of the sad, hollow shell of me that has been walking around this planet lately.

What I do know, is that all I can do for this moment is to ask God to continue to hold me, hold my heart, and keep me close to Him, because I need that more than ever right now. He is my light in the darkness, I have witnessed this for myself, and has carried me through so many hard times (and good) in my life, even when I did not know or realize that He was there because my heart was so closed off to Him, little did I know then that He was chasing me, running after me, continuing to love and protect me, even in that darkness. I know He is still here. But right now He feels so far away.

So all I ask is for prayers. For me, for Jake, for my family and friends that they will know how to help me, what to say, and just continue to pray for understanding for people who don't understand or think that it is all in my head. For me I know that this is a battle of the heart, the mind, and the spirit. It is one of the most emotionally empty times I have ever felt in my life. I do not want to fall back into the emptiness that has been around me, lurking and waiting for me to trip back into it.

I need your prayers and covet them now more than ever.