Love is Here...

I have really been struggling these past 2 months. Jake has also been struggling right along with me. What are we dealing with?

I have been very sick the past 2 months. I won't go into great detail, but I have been having Gastrointestinal and Stomach issues, and a multitude of tests are being and have been run to figure out what is wrong with me, and to no avail. It started with pain in my side and the doctors thought it was my Gall Bladder, proceed to gallbladder ultrasound, and then a scan to see how my gallbladder was functioning, and they still found nothing.

Still having symptoms, I continued to go see my doctor and they continued to draw more and more blood and run more and more tests to rule out various things. Still, nothing. This has been going on and on, over and over for a little over 2 months now, and still there are no answers to be had. As a result of all of this I have missed a lot of work, and while the place I work has been
very good in dealing with all this, and helping me through this, I know I cannot miss much more.

First of all Jake and I need that money and rely on it to help pay our bills, without it we could fall really behind. I have used all my PTO (paid time off) missing work and therefore am no longer getting paid out those hours that I miss anymore, so that is one thing.

Secondly Jake is having to deal with all this right along with me and I know that it is very frustrating to not know, and having me be sick all the time, but he has been so good about everything and very understanding; yet another reason why I married this man.

Thirdly, me. I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately and I believe that is adding to all the symptoms that I continue to have, as well as depression. This depression is not a new thing for me, in fact I have been dealing with this as far back as when I was in High School, and probably even before but I never realized it until then. My depression has gotten worse, and has become so bad that I have a harder and harder time getting out of bed in the morning, I cry at almost everything, and most of the time for no reason whatsoever. I often find catch myself taking this all out on Jake and my mood-swings have been all over the place lately. I am tired all the time and it seems as if I can never get enough sleep, so I am always fatigued. I also believe part of this depression is because I am homesick and miss my family, as I have never been away from them for this long a period of time.

Anyway, my point being after talking to my doctor she believes that that I am truly depressed, and that this might be causing the Gastro and Stomach problems that I've been having, or at least adding to the problem. I have to meet with her further to discuss all of this next week, so hopefully all that I have been going through will be able to be resolved, and soon!

Jake and I are both frustrated at this point and I am beginning to feel hopeless about the situation at hand, sometimes I wonder why me? Why am I going through this?

Then I am reminded of this : "the Lord gives no trial to the faithful that will not in the end prove to be a blessing." Just some encouraging words from a friend. How great it is to think that through all of this, despite the not knowing and the uncertainty of these trials I am going through, that God is blessing me, and continues to bless me, even in this.

This is why I tell you this, not for you to feel sorry for me, because there is no need for that, but to tell you that even in this I am feeling God's love, and I know that no matter what you are going through in your life, Gods love and grace is there for you too! How amazing!

I finish by saying just how thankful and grateful I am for all that I have been given in my life despite my current "sufferings." I thank God every day that I have Jake here to help me get through every day and know that no matter what he will always be here for me. I thank God for supportive friends and family that are constantly uplifting me and Jake in your prayers, and constantly continue to do so.

So I leave you all with this. One of my "Sisters" introduced me to this group Tenth Avenue North, and I found this song to be healing and helpful to me, especially in my struggles today.
It is entitled " Love is Here." So for your listening and viewing pleasure.....