A Christmas Pickle

Yup there it is in all it's splendor, right smack dab in full view on our little Christmas tree.
Now you must think I have totally lost it. I have just decorated my tree with a gherkin. Jake even went so far as to roll his eyes when I unveiled it from my little Pier 1 bag, but I think he likes it now. I think.

Well I am a little crazy, but the small gherkin on my tree does have a story behind it....

There's a Gherkin hanging from my Christmas tree Charlie Brown...

Supposedly it's an "old German tradition" but apparently, at least according to the article above, it's a legend.

Regardless of tradition or legend surrounding the glass gherkin, we are carrying on the "tradition" in our house, mostly because it's fun, and Jake's family is German and has done this for years!

Since I first learned of this "old world tradition" I have wanted a pickle ornament of my own to hang upon the limbs of my humble tree, and now I have one and can carry on the ridiculousness, craziness, laughable-ness, tradition from my husbands family and make great memories stemming from the gherkin that sits in my tree.

Isn't it fabulous?!

I think it's pretty special.

There stands a little Christmas Tree...

..... looks a lot like Charlie Brown’s.

Well pretty close, a little "nicer" but still humble in it's own right

Took some pictures of the most beautiful, humble, little tree standing in the living room of my one bedroom apartment on Douglas Avenue.



Well, I think it's beautiful.


It's simple and not fussy and showcases some ornaments that Jake and I have gotten from others or collected over the years.

This tree holds a lot of memories already; it's got some big "memory" shoes to fill I can tell you that.



New memories. The owl ornament I purchased from Pier 1. I got a great deal on it, and fell in love! I just love owls. Can't get enough. Seriously, I am obsessed! I might need help, I'll let you know. Some sparkly, shiny glass ornaments, I drool. Really. We begin new memories of our own with these on our tree. Fabulous.


Old Memories.

The clear plastic stars, given to us by Jake's mom for Christmas last year, we called them "throwing stars," they're sharp and pointy, but boy do they ever sparkle on that tree.

The Faith ornament, given to me by my parents, it's my middle name, and means so much more to me than just the middle name given to me. It's the basis of my belief. In my trust in God.

Hebrews 11:1 (The Message)

¹The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see.

The red wagon. I am told it was the first Christmas ornament ever given to me. It hangs on our tree every year. It will hang on that tree every year, as long as it lasts. The red wagon. It's the ornament that started the giving of all the other ornaments, and for that I am forever thankful.

We are blessed in the fact that we get to decorate OUR tree with these ornaments and so many others! We get to make new memories around a tree filled to the brim with such great memories already.

Memories that are ours. Together. Around our little Charlie Brown tree.

I cherish those memories already. I know they are fleeting and for a moment and oh how I cherish them! Someday there will be so much more going on in our lives, God willing there will be children and we will share even more memories and noise and laughter around the tree. There will be chaos and going here and there....and so now, right now, I take in these moments, breathe them in deeply and savor them.

Simple moments. Sharing life, and love and laughter, just the two of us.

To be Content:: : to appease the desires of

: feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation

Today, after a long few weeks of wrestling with myself and with God I decided to try and be content. To try. To be content with what Jake and I have and are able to afford is more like it.

That is a hard thing to do especially during this Christmas season when everything and everyone is telling you "more! you need more, you want more you MUST have more!" Well this year we can't have more, even though I admit I am selfish and totally wanted more. A bigger tree, more ornaments, better smelling candles, after all I didn't want to be stuck with the same old 3 foot artificial tree and ornaments I've had for years! They would make my apartment look trashy, and not modern, or good enough, what would people think?!

I already have so much of the same in my life, I just wanted it to be nice, and different, but unfortunately nice and different costs money and that is something that does not grow on trees, not even Christmas trees.

Bummer.

I didn't care.

I dug my heels in and refused to put up that little tree, I wanted a real one, a big one, and I told Jake about it every day; "You know the flower shop on the corner is selling real trees for only $19.99!" I would say with excitement and the hope that he'd say "Well let's run right out and get one if they're only $19.99!" This obviously did not happen, and did not happen more than once, my discontent for the whole situation was growing. Jake refused to give in and that made me so angry, I wanted that tree and I was going to get it if.....well if.....if we had enough money to pay all our bills and had some leftover I was going to get it. And that was not going to happen.

We were, we are just barely getting by, and it's so hard to write that. Maybe because I am afraid people will judge, will criticize and say nasty hurtful things about us and our situation and that I should try harder, be better, get another job, just get over it, stop using it [depression and anxiety] as an excuse. I am screaming out to all these negative voices to "SHUT UP!"

I had to scream at these voices while I was sharing what God has been teaching me these past few weeks at Bible Study on Thursday. Everyone else had shared and it was my turn. Sandi asked me and my response? First I gave some lame-o answer about "yeah, what she said" referring to one of the other girls in the Bible Study group. Then I felt a sense of guilt and my throat clenched up and I could feel the tears coming. I blurted out how even though Jake and I have so very little right now that God continues to provide and sends us money through giving, loving people, through lost gift cards that have been found; ( gift cards that will help pay for groceries and the majority of Christmas gifts for our families this year), and how just when I don't know how we're going to pay the bills or put gas in the vehicles, there it is, there HE is, God providing for us once again.

This is when I realized my discontentment had been taking over my life. I wasn't happy because I thought I deserved more, I thought WE deserved more than what was getting thrown our way, only to have my eyes and heart opened to the fact that we were being cared and provided for in ways that I had obviously begun to take for granted. That made me so ashamed. Over and over again I take what God has given and done for us through our marriage for granted. I forget and so often need to be reminded.

My prayer now is that God in his infinite GRACE will continue to remind me, to let the scales fall from my eyes so that I can see him more clearly and learn what he is trying to teach me. I pray that my heart will be opened in a way that it never has been before, that I will not take for granted all the grace, love and mercy that surrounds me everyday. I pray that we would be happy with the "simple" things of life and cherish every moment with each other, family and friends that is right now.

Today I set up the Christmas tree. Yup, the 3 footer, and I have to tell you it has never looked more beautiful than through these newly opened eyes.

Blessings,