Regrets...

Saw this video on my friend Sarah M's Blog and had to share it with those of you who read here.
This video really makes you think. It touched me today, hope it does the same for you.

It is Well with my Soul...

Now this story I am about to tell you may take some of you by surprise, but I hope it touches your heart the way it touched mine. I am going to be brutally honest with you as I have had to be with myself these last few months.

As some of you may know I have been dealing with a lot of hurt and a great "depression" in my life and in my heart. To explain it best would be to say my heart is in a lot of pain a "Winter" season if you will. I haven't felt normal or much like myself in a long time, and I have really been struggling with it a lot as of late I just felt like something was and is trying to keep me down. So much so, that it has encroached on my work life as well as my life here at home with Jake. Sometimes I just break down into sobbing and Jake just holds me as I tell him I just want to feel normal again, and I just want the pain in my heart to go away.

After one of these long nights of this happening, Jake got up as he usually does around 6 am to shower and get ready for work. When he does this, he usually leaves the light in the hallway on right outside of our bedroom; where our door always gets left open a crack to circulate the air flow better in our apartment, and he did this day as well. He gets done getting ready for work and comes in the bedroom to get his shirt and socks, his cell phone and his wallet, and gives me a kiss goodbye and an "I love you" and heads out to the kitchen to make himself some food for the day. About 10 minutes later he is gone, and shuts off all the lights in the hallway, and living room before he leaves. He did all that in this exact order that day. I heard the door downstairs close and he started up his truck to drive the 15 minutes to work, it is about 6:40 am at this point.

I fall asleep again as I usually do, but for some reason something wakes me up today, my alarm did not go off and I look over to see what time it was and it was 7:07. At this point something catches my attention by our bedroom door. I look over and coming through the crack of the door was a bright white shining light, it just radiated. I thought this was weird since Jake always turns the light off in the hallway, and I had heard him do this very thing today just like every other day. I pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming, I am not. I get up to go to the door to see what's on the other side of it (at this point as I will tell Jake later, I think I am dying because of the bright white light I am following). Just as I touch the handle on the door and open it, the light disappears and I am shaking, not really knowing or understanding what I just saw in my little apartment on Douglas Avenue. I couldn't go back to sleep.

The rest of the day I am scared not really sure of what I saw, and not knowing what to think. I don't tell Jake what happened, I just ask him to leave the light in the hallway on when he leaves for work in the morning from now on, and he says "okay." Later he asks me why and when I tell him what happened, I think he's gonna tell me I'm crazy, that it's all in my head, but instead he says "wow, that's kind of cool!" Thanks Jake :-)

Last weekend we went home for a friends wedding, and Friday night when we arrived at my parents I proceed to tell my mom and dad this story of the light. My mom, without missing a beat says "It was just God, letting you know He is still there, you have nothing to be afraid of." My first thought was "why didn't I see or recognize that's what it was?" It's because my heart is in a dark place, I cannot see what's right in front of me! That night as I went to bed and read "The Shack" I felt this peace come over me like I haven't felt in a long time, knowing that indeed that's what was behind my door, letting me know that no matter what I am going through, He is always there, even in my darkest night.

Praying for the New President

Even though I know a lot of people were "put off" by Barack Obama choosing Pastor Rick Warren to do the invocation at his inauguration, I think it was one of the best parts of the whole televised event. So, no matter what your opinion is about it here is the prayer in case you missed it.



I also found some articles about this very thing, some for and most obviously against as our media is obviously biased, but I will share both sides with you anyway.

I just find it hypocritical myself that people were so against Pastor Rick Warren giving the invocation at this historic event, but when Barack Obama included Biblical teachings in his speech, no one said a thing because he also included non-religious people in his speech, being more diverse is apparently the "in" thing to do.

Don't get me wrong, I think there is an obvious reason that Barack Obama was chosen in this place and time to be the President of the United States of America. I believe that God ordained this, that this all has a purpose even if we cannot see what that is, and that despite whether or not we agree with the views of Obama or even voted for him that we also should be in prayer for our new president, our government and the United States as this is the Will of God.

Psalm 32:8~The Lord says "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

And we have this promise from God:

Jeremiah 29:11~"I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Tell me, what is your opinion on this? What do you think?

I leave you with America's Song.

Best Invention Ever!

No seriously, it is! What is it you ask? Why it's called a Whirley Pop and it allows you the fabulousness that is making popcorn on your stove. All I can say is Yum-O, welcome to my world you fabulous, yummy popcorn making machine! Trust me when I say if you love popcorn as much as I do, you NEED to have one of these. I've used mine every night since I got it for Christmas, yes you saw that right, every night! You could call me obsessed, but I know this machine has saved me from dreaded microwave popcorn forever! Wow, I sound like an infomercial for this thing, haha! Anyway, if you love popcorn like I do you must get your hands on this lovely gizmo. Trust me, your nighttime snacking will never be the same!

Another Castro? Um, Yeah!

This one's for you, you know who you are! :-) Since you missed it the first time around. This is my gift to you!

It's gonna be worth it all

The mark of true friendship is stated in Proverbs 17:17~ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Some friendships are fleeting, and some are lasting. True friendships are glued together with bonds of loyalty and commitment. They remain intact, despite ever changing external circumstances that surround them.
I believe that I have found this once again in my life through a friend, we'll call her Sarah. She never ceases to amaze me with her love for God and for others, and is always there with a kind word, or music that inspires, and messages of hope in times of need. I know God has brought her into my life here in Ames for more reasons than I can even begin to know or explain. She is truly one of those people who makes me want to be more and do more in this life for God. She is passionate about so many things, but music is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of her and yet again, it has inspired me. I have been really struggling recently in many different areas of my life, and she sent me a message and suggested that I might like a certain song. So I thought, why not, she's got great taste in music, so I listened to it. The song? Worth it all By Rita Springer.
This song came into my life at the perfect time, just when I thought everything I was going through was never ending, and that I was all alone in this, truthfully I just wanted all the pain to go away, and have cried, well sobbed really more times than I care to admit this week. Like I told my husband, " I just want to feel normal again, I just want the pain to go away, is that too much to ask?" Well apparently it's not too much to ask, apparently everything I am struggling with and dealing with this week, there's a reason for it. All the pain, the suffering, the trials that I am enduring in my life will be worth it in the end. There is a reason for all of this, and despite my problems I can give it all up to God and still praise Him in all of this, and in the end when I go to meet My Maker, I can say to Him, it was worth it. All of it. Everything was worth it for this. Thank you for calling me yours and holding me through all those times.
Trust me when I say, nothing you are going through is never NOT worth the glory of the Lord that we will see in heaven!

2 Corinthians 12:10~ Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


2 Timothy 2:10~ I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.


Romans 5:3-4~ We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know they are good for us-they help us to learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character.

Here are the lyrics to Worth it All:

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain

With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

By Your Side

I am not sure exactly why, but whenever I get into my car and the radio is on I always hope to hear this song because I love it so much (love this group too!)! And I always hear it when I am driving somewhere, it never fails. I know it has to be a God thing, because it's not a coincidence that He knows how I am feeling and He's trying to let me know that He's there by my side no matter what I am going through or feeling in that moment. He is ALWAYS there and this song has helped me to understand that in so many ways! Such an amazing thing to know that even when I feel so far away from God, or feel that He is so far from me, there's this awesome reminder through the gift of song, that He never really is too far that we cannot reach Him and He cannot get to us! He runs to us! Hallelujah! His love never ceases to amaze or astound me. And I pray that this song may touch your heart like it has touched mine.

You can listen to it here, on the TenthAvenueNorth webpage. It's called By Your Side:

http://tenthavenuenorth.com/media/music


This is what the songwriters and musicians had to say about this song:

By Your Side
Mike Donehey, Jason Ingram, Phillip LaRue

“There are a couple of lines in ‘By Your Side’ that to me really encapsulate the whole song. One is in the second verse that says, ‘Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough? To where will you go child? To where will you run?’ And the last verse it says, ‘Look at these hands and my side, they swallowed the grave on that night, when I drank the world’s sin so that I could carry you in and give you life.’ ‘By Your Side’ is just a call to anyone who’s struggling or fighting against God thinking they have to work to earn it. It’s calling them to stop looking for what you can do for God and fix your gaze upon what God has done for you. Let that motivate you. We love because He first loved us.”

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you
I'll never let you go

Also in a recent entry on their website Mike had a great message about titled "By Your Side" where he talks about Christmas. I read it, and just thought I'd share it with all of you as well. If you click on the link below it will take you to that message and I hope it touches your heart.

http://tenthavenuenorth.com/blog/2008/12/25/chapter-4-by-your-side/

I will sing to the LORD as long as I live. I will praise my God to my last breath! Psalm 104:33

With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will give glory to your name forever.
Psalm 86:12

The Cutest Things...

My nephew Daemon and my niece Victoria, along with my dog caught on video just doing what they do! This is how they roll :

This is Victoria. She just loves her a good Oreo cookie. I mean who doesn't, am I right?! Look out Cookie Monster, she's giving you a run for your money! (Or cookies is probably more his kind of currency, eh?!). :-)



This is Daemon. He just loves him some Scooby Doo (amongst other things what he calls his version of the show "No Deal or No Deal" apparently there is "No Deal" in his world). I think his big sister Elissa showed him the ever changing world of Scooby Doo, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred,Velma and the Mystery Machine, and he hasn't been the same since :-)




Also another for your viewing pleasure, my dog, a Shih-tzu named Nevaeh, ( I refer to her as Vaeh, or Banana Rama, she usually responds to those 2 names). Here she is trying to be the BIG dog she knows she is way deep down :-)

New Year, New Life, New Love

As I celebrated the arrival of 2009 I looked back on the year that was 2008. There have been many changes in my and Jake's life in the past year and I would just like to share some of those with you.

1. I continued my life here in Ames, IA, after having moved in October of 2007 (after having gotten married only 2 days before no-less!)! And got a job at McFarland Clinic here in town in February of 2008.

2. My niece Victoria Lynn Pendergrass was born on March 6, 2008, and is one of the most beautiful itty bitties you've ever seen. I am totally NOT biased by the way, just because I am her aunt :-) She really is THAT cute :-) Just to prove it here's a picture:


See she's cute, right :-) I think she kinda looks like me, but I am sure my sister Candice would beg to differ and say she looks like her because
it's her kid and all. Whatevs I guess. Same difference. Oh yeah! And Daemon celebrated his 3rd birthday this year too, and he's a pretty handsome little man if I do say so myself, and here's a pic of him too! Not like you need any proof, I mean hello, look at the family he comes from :-)




I also had the opportunity to take some adorable pictures of my niece Elissa in her flower girl dress when we were back home in NW Iowa for a weekend and here's a pic from that. I must say she is pretty adorable too :-)

3. I enjoyed spending time with my family when they came to Ames to celebrate the 4th of July with me, and we had a great meal, went to the parade, and visited the Reiman Gardens over on the campus of ISU; that are absolutely fabulous by the way; and of course, once again just because I have a degree in Horticulture and Landscape Design does NOT mean I am
biased :-) They really are beautiful! If you've never been you should come visit Ames and
check them out! Unfortunately I don't have any pics of my own from that weekend cause
my camera was acting up, but you can always go to http://www.reimangardens.iastate.edu/ and check out their website.

4. We had many random events over the summer. Jake and I went to a few races in the area, and now Jake is thinking of getting into racing B-mods. You'll have to ask him for all the details, but it sounds pretty exciting to me! We also went home in September over Labor Day weekend to the lakes at Okoboji and to visit the family. It's always nice to go home!

5. I got sick starting at the end of August, and beginning of September and waited 3 long months to even find out what was wrong with me. I have been tested for virtually everything, but it turns out I have been diagnosed with a malabsorption problem. I was also diagnosed with depression, and am still awaiting some test results on my liver, as it seems I have a genetic "deficiency" and there may be more wrong with my liver than first thought. So please still keep Jake and I in your prayers regarding my health in the new year!

6. We celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary on October 6th, 2008! It's amazing to know that we've gotten through that first year as a married couple, and how far we've come in that short time. We'll have been together as a couple for 10 years tomorrow, January 8, 2009, and I just think how amazing it is how much we've grown and changed and learned from each other in those years, and we cannot wait to see what God has in store for us in the next 10 years of our lives together!

7. We returned home to celebrate Christmas with our families and friends, and ended 2008 where we began, in NW Iowa!














8. I officially began Weight Watchers online to go with my Curves workouts, and am starting a brand new year, with a new love for myself that I haven't had in a really long time. I cannot tell you how good it feels to take care of me, and to know that I deserve it. I have needed this so much I cannot even tell you how "all about" this new me I am, and I cannot wait to begin my "New Life!"

We cannot wait to see what happens in our lives in 2009 and where God takes us this year. Until then I leave you with the lyrics to a song that has helped get me through many times in my life, and is just a great reminder that throughout the years, no matter what, God is always faithful to us. (The song to these lyrics can be found at the right side of the page on my player).


Faithful to Me (Jennifer Knapp)

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
that have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand,
just to watch them all wash away

Through another day, another trial
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly,
for a faith to be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial,
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.